shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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