i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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