If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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