I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
3pm strippers are depressing
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
