Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
