He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
