people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
