Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
