god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
