I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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