Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
