I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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