Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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