We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
