so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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