It's Friday. Sex?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
