I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
