last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
