well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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