Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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