if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
