Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
