im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
