Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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