dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
