I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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