We should be called the Road Head Warriors
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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