found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
