everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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