if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
