So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
