Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
