she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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