I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
