I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
