So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
