I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
