please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
