it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
