I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
