the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
