I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
