I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
