i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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