I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
