I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
