i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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