Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
