So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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