Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
