dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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