why didn't you poke me back
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
