for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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