i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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