I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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