Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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