so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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