dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
