I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
