I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
