I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
