you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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