My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
