clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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