i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
