All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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