I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
