Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
