i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
