So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
