i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
