TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
