You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
