I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
