Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
