remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
