When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
