I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
