Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What a dumb baby whore.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
