lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
